How to Have Cats Without Being a Cat Lady

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If you’re a middle-aged single woman who happens to own a cat (or even a few cats), you don’t have to be pigeonholed into the old “cat lady” adage. With an increasing number of women choosing to live an independent lifestyle, having a cat provides the same benefits of pet ownership but without the more dependent entanglements associated with having a dog or other high commitment companion animal. Although the “cat lady” stereotype prevails, you can still have a cat and not be a cat lady.

Steps

1. Understand what it takes to avoid having the term “cat lady” applied to you. If you're a single, middle-aged woman who owns a cat, that doesn’t automatically make you the dreaded “cat lady.”
   • Typically a cat lady, while middle-aged and single, owns so many cats that is considered to be a case of animal hoarding. Cat ladies tend not to have enough property to safely care for numerous cats either, or they bundle the cats into one room or small area for all time. So, if you live on a farm or several acres of land, or have a large house and yard, you can definitely own several cats and not be thought of as a cat lady.
   • Cat ladies also tend to have no boundaries between human and animal interaction. Often a cat lady will refer to her cats as her “children” and make social and even financial decisions based on how it will impact her cats. However, this is a trait shared by many pet lovers, viewing their pets in the role of children and while it may cause some people to dismiss you, there will be many other pet lovers who support this attitude toward a pet. What probably matters most is how you demonstrate this affection for your cats when talking to other people.
2. Examine your own behavior and the signals you're giving out. Do you currently model any cat lady behavior? Think about how you live your life––do you talk excessively about your cats and refer to them as your babies? Do you bring up the most tedious details about your cats when socializing or at work? Do you avoid social situations such as dating or having an evening with friends to be at home with the cats, fearing they'll be lonely or sad without you? Do you keep numerous photos of your cats on your desk at work, perhaps even a huge wall collage of them? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be treading dangerously close to cat lady territory. It's time to make changes before you go to the dark side!
3. Remember that your cat is an animal while your friends are fellow human beings. Of course you love and adore your kitty; however, your cat sees you as his owner or companion and not as his mother. This is important to keep in mind because you will most likely outlive the animal. Thinking of the cat as anything more than just a pet not only puts you in cat lady territory, it can send you into a deep depression once the animal passes away.
4. Reduce the number of framed photos of your cat around your home or on your desk. It’s okay to maintain a small framed photo of your cat on your desk at work or on the entrance table at home, but having multiple framed photos screams “I’m a cat lady.”
5. Choose to be social over staying home with the kitty. The reason why having a cat is wonderful is that he doesn’t need to be walked or even taken to the bathroom. Cats are very content being on their own for long hours––capitalize on that fact and go out instead of staying home to cuddle up to your furry friend. He’ll understand if you ditch him for a hot date.
   • Your cat should have things to do while you're out, such as toys to play with. It's also a good idea to have two cats, so that they can amuse each other and not feel lonely.
   • If you've chosen a Siamese or similar breed that can't abide being left alone and attaches to a single human, you're probably going to find leaving him much harder. In this case, it is highly advisable to have another cat or to get a pet-sitter when you're out for long hours. This type of cat is best in a household where someone is always around, so if that's not your case, be sure to get him a pal.
6. Avoid talking about your cat when on a date or with friends. If your cat did something extremely funny or cute, by all means tell friends about it once, and only now and then. But, for example, if a friend is telling a story about what her baby did the other day, don’t butt in with a story about your cat. It will sound like you are comparing your cat to your friend’s baby––total cat lady behavior.
7. Stop at two cats. As hard as that may sound, anyone who owns more than two cats is surpassing the title of “pet owner” and entering into the “pet collector” zone. In some cases you may be able to get away with possibly three or four cats at most, if you live on a large property or if there are extenuating circumstances such as a rescue situation. Beyond this, you're creating a cat colony and all the hassles, smells, mess and whispered rumors that come with that.
8. Never dress your cats in clothing or costumes. Unless you want to be a cat lady, don’t buy, make or accept gifts of clothing to dress up your cat. Even on Halloween, resist the angel cat Halloween costume. The same goes for your wardrobe. Any cat t-shirts or sweaters need to hit the Goodwill pile ASAP.
   • The only exception to this is for health reasons directed by your vet, such as a blanket coat or an Elizabethan collar to stop scratching or biting. These are medical aids, not fashion accessories.
9. Spay or neuter your cats. Contribute to the solution and have your animals neutered when they are young. Part of the problem with a society overrun by domestic animals is that pet owners don’t spay or neuter their animals. And a cat lady often uses the excuse that cats deserve their fun and that removing their sexuality is cruel. Having too many unloved kittens around is cruel. Part of not being a cat lady is being a responsible pet owner.
10. Embrace the term. There is another option, one that any self-respecting woman is entitled to pursue, and that is to turn the tables on the pejorative connotations of being a "cat lady" and to simply embrace it. Provided you're a responsible cat owner or companion, then there is much to say that is good about being a cat lady:
    • Tell people that you're keeping unwanted cats off the street and ensuring they're having a good, healthy life.
    • Simply laugh off rude comments and take it in a good-natured way. Perhaps find quirks of the rude commentator and point them out that in turn. After all, nobody's perfect.
    • Explain that having cats as babies is your contribution to ensuring the world's human population doesn't get any higher. And really, it's nobody's business anyway.
    • Find a group of other cat enthusiasts who share your affinity with feline affection. This will give you an outlet for your interest in cats without freaking out dates or other friends.
    • Remember there are Cat Gentlemen out there who love their cats as much as you love yours and flirt with them by meowing, hip-bumping and purring. This is irresistible to a Cat Gentleman. Marrying one will raise the number of cats in your household, so amend that "two cat" rule to "two or three per human" as long as both of you are responsible about litter pan duty and spay/neuter policies. A multi-cat home can be pleasant if every cat has its own litter pan and there's an extra for sharing.
    • Cite famous or celebrity cat lady owners as support, such as Florence Nightingale and Brigitte Bardot.
    • Realize that some detractors may be jealous of the implications of your lifestyle––you're free to make your own choices, your cats aren't telling you how to behave or what to do all the time and you have non-judgmental companionship.

Tips

• If you can’t go “cold turkey” from cat lady behaviors, try eliminating a few at a time. For example, reduce the number of framed cat photos and ditch the cat holiday sweater this year.
• Avoid baby talking to your cat. He has no idea what you are saying anyway. On the other hand, any human observing you will assume that you're crackers. Endearments like sweetheart and little love are fine though.
• The big difference between "eccentric cat lady" and "obnoxious cat lady" is how clean and healthy your cats and home are.
  • Be sure to provide enough litter pans and change or scoop them daily, don't hoard trash and keep all cat trees, play tunnels and other cat furniture clean and well kept. Broken cat trees and too much cat furniture for a human to move around is too much.
  • Make sure you clean up any pet messes. Nothing says "cat lady" like a home that smells like the litter box.
• Consider using a Roomba, many cats like riding the Roomba while you clean up. Some of them even learn how to steer it by swatting the pressure sensors with their paws.
• Posting cat photos and videos on your Facebook page and other social media can help you find other cat lovers. Don't be shy about it. When emailing forwards though, make a separate list of all the cat lovers you know and only send the cute cat forwards to them. Other people don't appreciate them.
• If you like cats better than humans, try broadening your human contacts by joining cat groups on social media, meeting cat people offline at pet stores and cat shows, so that your human contacts are as polite as cats. Cat people have a subculture created by responding to cats' instinctive politeness. Cats hold boundaries well, are assertive and many are socially skilled.
• If your cat runs your life, relax and accept it. She's doing a good job of emotional support and her needs are much simpler than your boss, your parents, some of your friends.
• If you love having new kittens every now and then, consider volunteering with a pet shelter to socialize kittens once or twice a year rather than keeping your cats fertile. Abandoned or feral kittens need to learn how to interact with people to find good homes, so you're doing them a lot of good by playing with them, paying attention to them and having fun. Adult feral cats sometimes need socializing too, so this is a good way to indulge if you enjoy having too many cats - take in foster cats and help prepare them for their forever homes. This will also give you human contacts with the shelter people and other volunteers, none of whom will think you're silly.
• Cat jokes are more amusing to other cat people than people in general, so tone them down and pick up some other humor topics when dealing with dog lovers and people who don't like cats. Like a cat, pay attention to who you're with at all times and accept that we're all different, take them for who they are and take pride in yourself for who you are. There are far worse things to be in life than a Cat Lady!

Warnings

• If you need to unload cats, never release them into the wild. Either find a suitable home or contact an animal rescue organization to take them.
• If you can only relate to animals, you might like to consider therapy to help you overcome any emotional barriers or mental blocks that cause you to feel uncomfortable interacting with other humans. Don't limit your socialization unnecessarily; relieving your fears, anxiety and pain can be liberating and might allow you to balance your love of animals with spending more time socializing with human friends. Starting out with fellow cat lovers may make this a lot easier - you already like their cats, so there must be something cool about them.
• Any form of stereotyping of a person is an attempt to curtail the criticized person's own sense of purpose and fulfillment, and is an attempt to control that person and make them see the world from the detractor's viewpoint. Be wary of the motivations of anyone calling you a "cat lady" and the assumption that they're normal while you're not. As with any stereotyping of people, the "cat lady" stereotype is about generalizing and making assumptions that the detractor stands in a position of what's normal and is entitled to judge someone else for their activities. That's a fairly difficult claim to maintain!
• Keep in mind that the person calling you a "Cat Lady" probably fits some equally common stereotype like "video game addict" or "sports fan" or "fashion police" and when their topic of interest comes up they will irrationally expect you to respect it, be fascinated by it and forget all about cats to pay attention to the football pool or the shoes they found on sale. Most people have passions in life.

Sources and Citations

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_lady – research source

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